A Feral Faith?

Interesting post from the Rewild blog: Discussion of Feral Christianity

Definitely worth checking out and I plan to do some more investigating and research on this subject matter.

Second Cocoon

If Tracker School was a time of awakening for me then my time thus far at Wilderness Awareness School has been one of entering the second cocoon.

The Pacific Northwest has taught me that not everything nor every experience can be articulated into understandable tangible terms. I recently was made more aware of this reality when I had a rather lengthy discussion with someone (I believe) has no capacity for understanding the journey that I am undergoing. I found myself getting frustrated because I couldn't better describe my experience.

Enter the poetry of Mary Oliver, especially the one in my previous post. I think if I had those words readily available to me then I might have been able to better communicate my journey. A note to self: carry that poem with you so that you might better communicate in the future.

I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into when I left Illinois a little over 3 months ago. I knew that this time would develop and push my wilderness skills to new depths and I also knew that my marriage would be stretched and would grow stronger as a result. Both have certainly happened! I also might have told you then that I thought there would be an element of spiritual growth as well; but I never thought that most of my development has been one of a spiritual nature and I liken it to a rite of passage that I have not had up until this point in my life. This is why I feel that what is happening is an entering of the second cocoon. So much of what is happening to me right now cannot be explained and it rightly feels like a rebirth or better said a returning to a time when life was being lived to the fullest.

Another significant shift that occurred didn't make itself known until I came back home for Thanksgiving. My time spent in the church suddenly felt as though I didn't belong. This wasn't just somewhat of a notion that I had, it was felt deep in my blood and bones, something that I have never felt before. I'm in the process of discerning what that means...

I believe that I've entered the "wild night" in my life as Oliver put it. And any attempt to try and define or explain what is happening will be a shortcoming of the experience itself. Maybe I'm better off just reading the poem and not getting into too many specifics. What I'm doing now is saving myself so that I will be able to live the rest of my life from the depths of my heart.

The best response I've been able to come up with at this time when asked "Tell me about what you're doing," has been to simply say "Come and spend a day with me in the woods, and you'll see."

Saving My Life

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

- The Journey by Mary Oliver

Backbone Forming

I have been wanting to post a reflection for some time now but kept putting it off because I was not given the words to name and claim my experience. It was also because of some hesitancy on my part. You see I've largely been a passive person in life and this has often kept me from living from the depths of my heart.

And so a big part of what has happened to me (and is continuing to happen to me) during my time thus far at Wilderness Awareness School is that I am becoming a more assertive person and my fear of what other people might think is taking more and more of a back seat to honesty... with myself and with others. So in terms of the next post, I will be forthcoming in my reflections and really try to name my experience.

The other thing that it will likely do is confuse or fluster those folks who have a strong Christian worldview, which is more than okay with me at this point, as I have watered down my experience thus far by trying to pander my language to make it user-friendly to Christians. That being said, it is important to remember that I've not given up on the church, I've just walked away from it for a time (think John the Baptist). I've often wondered how many prophetic voices we aren't hearing because they aren't in the church. And maybe that is where I'll find my voice...