Are we life-giving or life-draining?

I just returned from a truly life-giving weekend with my fiancée, Brenda. We were encouraged to attend a Mennonite/Brethren Engaged Encounter weekend retreat. This was a time for the two of us to reflect, pray, discern and write together.
It was led by a Mennonite “Senior Couple” who had been married 40 years and two “Junior Couples” who had been married 5 and 9 years. The format was quite simple and easy to follow, I will not elaborate more than I should for dread that I would give away more than is needed; I mean the experience itself should still be a bit mysterious.
I must admit that I was a bit skeptical at first for two reasons: 1) in our 4 ½ years together how much of the content would my fiancée and I have already addressed or discussed? 2) even though it was with our fellow Mennonites (who are Anabaptists just like us Brethren) I was fearful because the setting was at an evangelical Bible College, which to me meant that there would be a strong emphasis (or even guilt trip) on certain morals or values that maybe Brenda and I did not hold in common with the presenting couples.
Needless to say, none of those doubts were still in tact by Saturday afternoon, I had fully surrendered to something greater than myself. I had encountered the two great loves in my life; Jesus Christ and Brenda. I honestly cannot remember a time where I felt more loved! There is also something to be said about being in community during such a time. It helped to have other couples around who were discerning the very things we were, we could lean on each other, pray, eat and laugh together.
I will be an advocate for Engaged Encounters for the rest of my life. It was because if this experience that I know that Brenda and I are called to share this journey called marriage for the rest of our life together!
There are all kinds of different Engaged and Marriage Encounters that span between denominations and you could easily use a search engine to access any number of them.

It wasn’t until I got back home that I began to think about how the connection to Christ and the Church is much the same. The relationship of the Church and Christ has been often referred to as the bride to the bridegroom. My struggle is that what happens too often today is that the bridegroom is standing in the front awaiting his bride, the back doors are opened, the processional music is started and all the attendants are standing waiting with gladness. And the bride is nowhere to be found.
The imagery in Revelation (which by the way I rarely, if ever preach from) is so palatable for my circumstance today that I cannot overlook its importance. Have we really left Christ standing at the altar? Yes, we have. Does he ever leave? No, he waits like a child for the return of his bride. We would quickly begin the blame game for who is at fault rather than waiting.
I also had a greater awareness that sometimes I am too critical of the church and am always emphasizing the need for change. What would have happened had my mentality been the same towards Brenda this weekend? We might have called off the relationship had either of us done that! I realized that it is often just recognizing the very things that the church does do well that I need to better emphasize and love. I can give the space for change if Brenda wants to, the same goes for the church. One of the ways we really begin to reconnect is when we don’t demand such an emphasis on the change but simply love the church for what it is, faults and all, like we would our husband or wife.
There is a link between the high divorce rate in this country and the church losing members. What we do to each other, who we can see; is just as easily done to someone we cannot see (or choose not to see). That is why I identified so much with what was happening during the weekend; Brenda and I went so that our relationship and upcoming marriage would be stronger and more centralized in Christ. This is precisely the same reason that we attend retreats that cater to our spiritual needs. This is why I have a calling to lead retreats someday. It’s the ability to help repair or strengthen the relationship before divorce becomes the only option. We should all be such agents!